” I said it to no one because no one else was there.It was quiet and I imagined I could hear the pain of my chest beating and my arm throbbing. I walked through the house. My house was largely unchanged since they moved in. Melissa had gotten me a new couch and there were a few new pictures on the wall, some clothes in closets upstairs. Everything was still comfortably familiar. God, I was a fucking idiot.Why did she have to be such a bitch about it though? Why couldn’t she talk to me!? I found myself punching the wall and stared at the little hole I made. There, there was a change. Fuck, I’d have to patch that. Maybe I wasn’t that different from my father. My shoulder throbbed. I kept forgetting this was Melissa’s first real relationship. What was my excuse? I remembered other fights in the distant past, other things I had ignored and I had sworn I wouldn’t do again. Where were my pain meds? I went upstairs and found them. The bottle was nearly empty. I had been taking an extra here. She turned her face towards me and again caught my eyes staring at her fruit. “abhi iska man nahi bhara hai.” She said, I smiled. And she had a kind of different smile on her face. I was watching all this and she knew that I m diligently watching all this with all the curiosity. She slowly place the baby on bed. Now she put back her breast inside and pulled other breast outside. She rubbed the breast for a moment, perhaps to mobilize the flow of milk. Picked the baby again, put on lap and lashed baby to her nipple. Baby started suckling.This time she was a bit careless, I don’t know perhaps intentionally she kept her whole breast open for my eyes and turned her face towards me. I was watching her fruit. “So do you have milk all around the day” I asked. She laughed a bit. I smiled. “Haan” Her voice was different this time. “Kabhi kabhi to itna ki baby pita nahi hai aur inme itna dard hota hai ki.” She said. “Tab kya karte ho” I asked. “’Tab, hmmmm…. Kya kar sakti hu. Wait karti hu ki.
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