You have to walk and talk the girls life." My plan is to fly to California 6-7 weeks before the show. You willneed a lot of training and you need to experience being a girl so thatyou become a girl in all her moves and activities." Mom, does that mean I have to dress and act like a girl for all thoseweeks before the TV show? How can I do that?" Paul, you need to get use to being a girl. You have to act and becomethe princess that every girl wants to be. Paul, I know you can do this,I see your loving soft side and that is what I love about you so much,"Mary said."Paul, I would like Mary to come with us to California and help prepareyou. She can help with makeup and hair and really be a big help. Shewill be your big sister."I looked at Mary, she smiled and was shaking her head yes."Plus Paul, I have looked into a school out there that can help trainyou for a couple of days. Strange as it sounds, there is a school thathelps boys become girls. How great is that!" Mom, this is all way. It was a painful thought, wanting to see her again and not knowing if this was the end of our fantasy. I had agreed to meet my brother for a light dinner at Jewish deli near the library. I told him I had a craving for a big hot pastrami sandwich on real sourdough rye bread, something impossible to get in Maine. I had my poems with me and was glancing over them, arranging them in the order I would read. When my brother arrived and sat down, he asked me how my afternoon was. For some reason, I still don’t understand, I decided not to tell him about Hannah, though there was a moment when I was bursting to tell him about the amazing experience I had just an hour ago. I told him I had a quiet afternoon, walking around and had coffee at The Left Bank Café. I told him I wrote in my journal, nothing more. I wanted to keep Hannah to myself. I wanted to savor the reality she and I had shared and keep it a secret, knowing putting it into words would tarnish it. I also knew that it was.
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