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‘I was going to say that I wondered if me getting married would change things between us. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’ How could she be sorry for doing nothing? I sobbed again, one of those sobs that rack you like a child’s sobs do with dry eyes. My head fell forward and then tears fell onto the pale blue of my dress. Why does water show so clearly on pale blue? I half pulled myself together and took another cigarette from Tippi’s pack and lit it. I waited for her to tell me off for smoking – I only stopped because she’d told me to, had begged me to. She didn’t. Instead she sat beside me and looked out over the view but I knew she wasn’t seeing it any more than I was. Her voice was low and calm. ‘Of course I knew. If I had ever, ever had a woman lover it would have been you. I even thought about it, like you think about things that you know you simply can't do. I knew you wanted me. But you never made a move because you knew too that I couldn’t and that it would have. Just as the sun was rising over the trees, he was out for a morning jog in a black t-shirt and camo pants, his heavy booted feet hitting the pavement in an uneven rhythm due to the shrapnel in his leg. The pain was always the worst after sleeping or sitting for too long, but much like an engine that needed to warm up, it faded with every footstep, the pain more of a hollow memory in his mind.The main street wasn’t large, and he soon found himself running down a stretch of road surrounded by miles of farmland. The now steady patter of feet on pavement let his mind take a break, and he could at last ignore the empty feeling in his gut just a little bit longer.He slowed down, looking out toward the distant hills. It occurred to him that he had no idea where the town ended and the rest of the world began. It would be so easy to keep running, to let his feet keep carrying him to wherever it was he so badly wanted to go. His chest was tight, his head pounding with his own heartbeat. He.
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