Self-awareness Im experiencing. Like, I am an entity, a whole, stand-alone person. I used to think of Ethan as a piece of me. An extension of self that I needed, but now I think I felt that way because it wasnt Ok for me to want things. Like, I only ever deserved what I needed. Not anymore. Almost overnight I feel — quite comfortably — that its totally fine for me to want things. And absolutly to be expected that I should get what I want. Speaking of things I want, Hayden (god his name is so fucking stupid I hate to even write it) finally came back to work today after being gone for three days. I dont flatter myself that it was the pain of my rejection keeping him away, Im sure it was just the awkwardness. I have a feeling that if he wasnt so new, and this place wasnt such a fantastic resume-entry for him, that he would have quit over it and gone somewhere else. I walked past his desk intentionally a few times just to watch him squirm. I think he went shopping to make himself feel. .a guy cme in saw him look a the stall wall he peeed and left right after that anothe gzy came in he look at the hole to he turned aroundandI saw a long black cock the guy took afew stepps to the stall and put his cock through the hole I reached over and startef to strock it he pulled back and kept strocking then he put it bach through and said put it in you mouth witch I did he cummed in my mouth and I swallowed it tasted good he left I pulled my pants up and went out the bartender looked at me and smiliet I am sure he knew what just went on in the restroom..I went out side and up the steps to the Gym went in and there where 3 black guys training lifting wheights they stoped when they saw me and came over to were I was and asked what I wanted..I told them I was looking for a place were I could Train and stuff they said that was cool and if I need help they would help me..one of the guys had called down and ordered 34 waters and we talked and on guysaid for me to get undressed so they.
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