"Young Lady?Did she just call me Young Lady? I was Paul wasn't I?Regardless of the mode of address, I went obediently and sat as onceagain, Lily took out her pad."What is it?" she asked. I didn't know what she meant. What was what? "What is it that's eating you?"Ah!It didn't take long before I was blurting everything out in one hugegreat gush of words, sniffs, sobs and gesticulations. Lily's eyes wentwide as this torrent of "stuff" just poured out, crashing through thespace between us and bombarding her senses. By the time I stopped, Lily just sat there looking shell-shocked."Oh," she said."Yes and now I don't know if she loves me or not, if I'm supposed to bePaul or Suzie and... oh Lily, what do I do?" I cried.Hugs came first.Having spent years thinking that Lily didn't like me, she was the oneperson now who could deliver a hug or a cuddle that just left me feelingwarm and snug, loved and content. Had I four legs and a soft furry coat,I would have been purring loudly."Alright then. I. Is it weird to be flattered? Sometimes I feltlike the center of attention in a really affirming way. Wow. I'mprobably going to need an army of psychologists when this is all over. Itdoesn't help that Carrie keeps telling me what a great sister I am andthat she doesn't want me to change.Feb. 24, 2001Well, I enjoyed myself so much last night, I couldn't really defend myselffrom Carrie's suggestions today. She actually got me into a wispy littleblue dress, lipstick and everything, and out to some dance places. I feltwow. Like a sensation, like the star of the show. Like in My FairLady: "I could have danced all night" All eyes, all smiles on me. Shy,longing looks yeah, I recognize those, I've given plenty of themmyself. No guy should ever go through this, it does really weird thingsto my brain. But I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. I shouldwrite papers in psychology about this next year, except nobody wouldbelieve me.Feb. 26, 2001I met with a plastic surgeon.
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