Send him up’, and she giggled.Ken left the room. Susanna went into the changing room to put of a black bra, panties and stocking on, for the first video shoot. Then there was a timid knock on the studio door. Before I could react, Susanna came out of the changing room and opened the studio door. Sure enough, the guy outside definitely looked like a geek. He said ‘I’m George. Ken told me to come up here’. Susanna laughed and said ‘Come on in George. I’m going to do some strip videos in a moment. You don’t mind seeing a girl getting naked in front of you, do you?’ George didn’t know what to say. I think it might be the first time he’d seen a naked girl. I’d set the lights up and Susanna had stockings, suspenders, a black bra and black panties on. She led George over to the left side of the bed set that was in the room. She said ‘You’ve got to stay out of the camera view, but you can watch me stripping. You’ll get the best view of me from the left side of the bed. That’s where my legs. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions lying in bed. It was time to get up and shower. Eat something. Think about what I want to say tonight. Be prepared. Don't let Howard get the upper hand again.I made it through the day. I lay down after lunch and slept for almost two hours. I felt better for it. But I could feel.
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